The Marital Sex Q&A
It should come as no surprise that sex is a taboo topic in many cultures and countries, especially in the Middle East. This often leaves many men and women with unanswered questions and unnecessary reservations when it comes to intimacy in general and marital sex in specific.
So what is the ‘norm’ when it comes to sex within a marriage? How often do married couples get intimate? What happens when sex is off the table? And how should you communicate about sex-related issues with your partner? Let’s explore the answers to these questions together.
Marital sex 101:
1- What is the average frequency of sexual activity amongst married partners?
Sex within a marriage is relatively subjective. For some couples, having sex two to three times a week is satisfying and more than enough. However, for other couples, making love on a daily basis is important for avoiding big issues such as cheating or even divorce.
The thing that people fail to understand is that sex within a marriage needs to be mutually desired and satisfying. It is also important to remember that at the beginning of a marriage, partners tend to be more sexual and intimate than after a few years of marriage. Children, family obligations and day to day responsibilites help define marital roles. This can cause an increase or a decrease in the sex drive, depending on how the couple deals, communicates and responds.
2- What happens when your marriage is sex-deprived?
Sometimes, one partner is desperately yearning for touch, physical closeness and sex while the other is completely uninterested. When this happens, intimacy levels start to drop and the marriage becomes sex-deprived. As one or both partners fail to feel what they need to feel, their relationship starts falling apart.
It begins with small things such as avoiding eye contact or spending time together and builds up to bigger issues such as resentment, infidelity, separation and maybe even divorce.
3- Is avoiding sexual intimacy a generational issue?
Lack of marital sex and intimacy is not related to age or generation. For many young couples, sex stops right after the honeymoon is over. On the other hand, both men and women shut down sexually because they want to punish their partners and ‘teach them a lesson’.
The thing is, having sex is a habit and not having sex is also a habit. Actually, if you think about it, not having sex is easier than having it given all the issues both partners need to consider, pre, during and post sex.
In our society, women tend to shy away from sex due to trust issues, insecurities and unmet emotional needs. When this happens, men complain that sex is off the table but never try to get to the root of the problem. However, when a married man does not want to engage in sex with his wife, the woman ends up feeling unsexy, undesired and shuts down emotionally.
4- How should wives approach the topic of sex with their husbands?
Many unsatisfied wives end up going from hurt to angry without explaining to their partners what is going on. The only thing that the men see in the anger minus the underlying pain. Furthermore, the more the wife is hurt, the more angry she will be and the less her husband would want to be intimate with her.
It is an endless cycle and to break it, you must resort to open communication. Allow yourself to be in a vulnerable position, explain how you feel and be honest about it. Also, try to make your man feel good about himself, be open to his sexual advances and build him up instead of tearing him down. This can go a long way in bringing you closer and reigniting that fire.
See Also: 13 Proven Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life
5- How should men talk about sex with their wives?
A man’s approach to sex and intimacy is very crucial to making it happen. Be delicate, watch your vocabulary, talk to her openly and try taking some of her load off. A woman with so much to do on her own is a woman who will push sex a side more often than not. Trust me, when a wife feels loved, appreciated and wanted, she is more open to making love and being intimate.
What do you think stands in the way of marital sex? Why do you think some couples resort to cheating or divorce instead of talking it out? We would love to hear your insights and feedback about this sensitive subject in the comment section below.